You take me as I am
Into your new scarred hands
and when I run so far away
you always call me back again
into your open arms
not matter what ive done
amazing grace has found me here
because of what you've done, for me

PlanetShakers - Weight of the World

astO loves her friends, bowling, baking, bowling, reading, bowling, writing, bowling, ManUtd, bowling.

Kutless, The Lads, Switchfoot, MercyMe, Stacie Oricco, Avalon, blah blah blah

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*Jason (Hsien Xian)

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Skipped School.
Monday, November 28, 2005

Portfolios are due this week. And I've done nothing. I guess I've got to go to school later around 5pm to 6 to get work done. I'm not feeling very well, I've been having stomachaches the whole morning. Guess I ate something wrong.

NY was a good experience for me. I enjoyed it though I played horridly. Dad was pretty kind to me when I told him my average.

I'm still knackered though I slept for ages. I think that's why I'm still a little sleepy. Too much sleep, but too little school work done. I better get round to doing it, before I cannot secure my SIP. Then I'll truly be six feet under. Wahaha...

Rainbows still Occur. @1:57 pm

Youth Trials.
Friday, November 25, 2005

The dawn of a new day, brings new things to experience and go through. The dawn of tomorrow would probably cause panic and worry in me when I should be calm and relaxed to go through the motions of NY trials. A few things I need to get or remember to bring; Snicker bars, my green shamrock Nalgene, and a bottle of skin patch. Roll offs at Orchid tomorrow at 4pm and most likely, I'll be in school scanning my portfolio things in the morning. *Sighs*

And why why, tell me why, of all days must it be serviced tomorrow?! Will you lend after that? Please please please *pouts*? hurhur.

On My iTunes: Renew Me - Avalon

Rainbows still Occur. @10:09 pm

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I've been waiting for this picture for a bit. Pity about the quality though, it's not exactly what you'd call clear. Catherine, Hanafie (a Nigella fan! To him, I'm the ultimate Nigella Lawson wannabe), Helen, Idil and then there's me. I look like a Mother Hen there, with everyone crowding around me. *guffaws*

I'm supposed to be in bed now, pretty knackered actually. It's almost 2 in this lovely, cold morning and I'm having cravings for anything that has milk or cream in it. I miss Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. I better get into bed now, if not I won't be able to write my essay on exhibition design tomorrow for class in the afternoon.

On My iTunes : Walking In Memphis - Bruce Springsteen

Rainbows still Occur. @1:54 am

Let It Go.
Friday, November 18, 2005

Used. I now totally agree with Adree and I should have listened to him. Dang. Thanks to Aaron for shining the truth into my eyes, and banging my head with it. (His own words)


Bowling was great yesterday. Finally pinpointed what was causing my shots to keep going to the left. My timing's more or less settled. Hopefully it's ingrained into my muscle. Hur. Another bout of bowling on Saturday, then it's back to school training on Sunday through Wednesday.

I may try National Youth just for the exposure. But my mind is not made up. I still have 2 more days to decide, and surprisingly my parents are willing to let me go for the exposure. Thanks to Iskandar for your opinion.

Just let go. And don't look back.

On My iTunes : Piano - Fan Yi Chen

Rainbows still Occur. @1:20 pm

Monday, November 14, 2005

Someone should congratulate me for the most number of times anyone updates their blog in a single day. This is the third time in 15 hours. I'm on the brink of boredom and I can't take it any longer. blah blah blah. Let me ramble on. Thank you Abel for the services of your repaired PowerBook. Hur.

Let's see. Fundamentals of Hospitality and Tourism Business at 3pm for the next 2 hours and then training tonight at 8pm.

And Chris has suddenly decided to add some comments, or what he calls invasion on my blog. Here you are... astogal! YAY!

Coolios, though totally random. I have some very interesting mates who fill my day with interesting yet random things. haha. Yeah, Abel's like cutting his beef steak so fast. More of butchering instead. And yes, it has already butchered. He's having a dilemma now. Whether or not to finish his steak. He goes, "argh, it's spicy, I can't eat it!" The best part is, it's a BLACK PEPPER steak. One question on our minds now, is he going to finish his steak? Well tune in next time to more adventures of Abel with his Black Pepper Steak. haha. Now, he's wasted....

Rainbows still Occur. @2:40 pm


Seven things that scare you:
1. Snakes.
2. Not being able to end up having a career that I love.
3. Failure.
4. Changes.
5. Losing people important to me, like my close friends.
6. Dying.
7. Losing the ability to Love and appreciate.

Seven things you like the most:
1. Bowling.
2. My close friends.
3. Baking.
4. My recipe books.
5. Writing.
6. The music on my iTunes.
7. You! heehee

Seven important things in your bedroom:
1. My bed.
2. HP Computer.
3. My art work and materials.
4. My handphone.
5. My telly.
6. My wardrobe.
7. My books.

Seven random facts about you:
1. I'm an Emo person, some of you agree. Well, most.
2. I worry and think too much.
3. I hate it when my oven spoils.
4. I actually like chinese and canto songs. Would you believe it?
5. I eat very little. A few spoonfull and I'm full. Not as if my size gives that away.
6. I think I'm not good enough for anyone.
7. I want to move to New Zealand.

Seven things you plan to do before you die :
1. Get married. hur.
2. I want to have a Mini Cooper with a red body and beetle bug spots with a black top.
3. Go and see snow. Kiddy I know.
4. Be an aclaimed chef.
5. Be a food photographer or one that photographs kids.
6. Travel back to Aussie and New Zealand.
7. Meet all the people who have ever been important to me and tell them (a) How much I love them (b) How much they mean to me and (c) How much they made a difference in my life.

Seven things you can do:
1. Listen to you when you need me. Anytime of the day.
2. Bake and Cook. According to Adree, I'm domesticated. *Shakes head*
3. Think.
4. Bowl.
5. Write.
6. Listen to the same song 20 times in a row. ha! And after I get sick of it and never listen to it for the next 1 month.
7. Love and care.

Seven things you can't do:
1. Relax. I'm tense.
2. Stop reading.
3. Keep my room neat. ha! My mum has been going on and on about it though it's loads better.
4. Bowl.
5. Wear tank tops and clothes along that line. Skirts too. I don't have that confidence.
6. Go without my hairband. Kiddy again.
7. Stop caring for any of you.

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. Character.
2. Kindness.
3. His jokes or rather the fella's lamesness.
4. His ability to apologize when he's wrong.
5. A good head on his shoulders. At least he can hold a decent conversation.
6. His smile.
7. His ability to listen.

Seven things you say the most are known for saying:
1. Oooooo. I like this song!
2. Shaaaadup!
3. Hey!
4. That kid is soooo cute!
5. Anything (and shakes her head). haha.
6. I'm not important to the people who are important to me.
7. I don't know.

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign) :
1. Tao Ze.
2. Wilbur Pan.
3. Rupert Grint.
4. TJ (some fella from a boyband Take 5.)
5. John O'Shea (I like footballers)
6. Wes Brown.
7. Kieran Richardson.

Rainbows still Occur. @10:26 am

Important Or Not.



Have a God Blessed year ahead and thank you both of your advice and listening ear. Love ya!

I came out with a new phrase today. It's my tagline, so don't steal it. Hur.

I'm Not Important To The People Who Are Very Important To Me.

Note: I know who some of them are. People like Siyuan, Jinghui, Vickie, Stephanie. There are some people I wish I meant more to them, but I guess there's certain things I can't force and learn to let go.

I shan't elaborate, but some of you may know why I feel this way.

One more thing. I'm an Emo person, though not everyday of the week or month or day. Design students are like that. Ok, shan't sterotype. If you think my recalls are too emo for you, don't read on then. Hur.

Rainbows still Occur. @1:13 am

Sunday, November 13, 2005

It's been my life for the past few years. Something that I grew to love even more over the past year. And now, I've come to the stage where it has become a chore, the sheer love of practise eroded by your constant comments. I still love the game, and the beauty of it. It's hard to love it now, because of your targets, expectations and comments, which you know nothing about.

You act like I don't try. Everytime something is suggested to me, I try it, even if it's difficult or something that I'm not used to. Just when I get the hang of it, I get switched again. It's a never ending cycle, and when I don't perform, I get frustrated. And at that point, you don't seem to know how to encourage. You ask instead why is it so bad. If you were in my shoes, what would you do. I told that to Dad's friend, about my constant switching and the frustrations I face in not being able to do what I'm used to constantly. He told me to stick to what's comfortable and play for score for the time being. Don't listen to what people tell you if you're not comfortable. Now you tell me that he's not coming down anymore, means I'm not going to get taught again.

So you're trying to say it's my fault? You think I'm happy with the last few scores? Do you even know that my shoulder was hurting?

Rainbows still Occur. @2:00 am

Maybe I Won't Look Back
Thursday, November 10, 2005

Maybe I Won't Look Back - Stacie Orrico

I woke up from dreaming
I returned a call from a friend of mine, she sounded really lonely
But I had somewhere to be
I said I'll call you later
'Cause I really need to go, I can't be late, she'll be okay, this is important
Then I forgot completely

You can be who you choose to be
But whether you do, or whether you don't
Depends on your priorityAnd I know that it's not easy

I'm looking for the peace to find some sleep tonight
'Cause I'm Not very proud of the way I have lived today
But if I choose to Follow Him along the way
Then maybe I won't look back
Feel like time is gonna pass me by
Then maybe I won't look back

[Bridge 2:]
On those days I could of said something
In those times when help was needed I was busy
I was within the words to see the moment is good
In some way I could have been something
I thought I was done with a simple smile, but I was selfish
But if I change my heart today, tomorrow it may be okay
And maybe I won't look back

I woke up from a nightmare
Where I was talking down this street, invisible and no one else could see me
All my chances were goneI can't get your attention
I've had many things to say, but never tried, afraid you wouldn't listen
Should of done it all differently

I can't hold back, I can't be shy
This is my big chance to be living the life,
I gotta Stand up strong and take the ride
Throw all those useless excuses aside
So much to do, I got a lot to sayI don't always understand
but I'll gonna follow anyway
'Cause there is a bigger plan, a destiny
I can't waste this precious time

School today was cool, because it wasn't school. I was at Suntec with some Design school students showcasing their works and asking for public feedback. Came back to school around quarter past two, decided to cut my 3pm class and hung out with Steph. Had lunch, then went to watch a movie in the library. haha, so fun. Tomorrow's school will be in Orchard Road. haha. Got to get to TP by quarter past nine to do the Administration work, give out the shirts then onto briefing before heading out. Hopefully we won't get tailed by security guards like some of the Freshmen did. They had cubes they painted and security was worried if they had bombs in them. ??!! Me and Gillian had to sort things out with the security. *Shakes head* Not say I don't understand where they're coming from. I'm actually knackered that's why I decided to cut classes today.

On My iTunes: Wo De Ai Ren - Chen Xiao Chun

Rainbows still Occur. @9:38 pm

Things Just Aint The Same.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'm feeling out of sorts today. A little depressed, a little dumbfounded. It's as if someone put a sock in my mouth and I just can't get words out. I want to stop feeling this way, but why can't I?
I'm sorry.

edited - I mustn't let my mind play with me. I mustn' think to the point where I believe its real. I mustn't let my mind wander.

I came across this on DeviantArt and I must say I agree with it. Never sacrifice a precious thing called Friendship for a thing called Love.

And NO! I'm not in love or out of love. None of it whatsoever. So don't ask because I'm not!

Says it like the King, Elvis. "Thank You, Thank You Very Much!" hurhur.

On my iTunes: "Ba Ai Fang Kai" - F.I.R

Rainbows still Occur. @11:38 pm


I got teed off today. So much so that I cried. I called my mates to arrange something with them and I was crying while on the phone with them. I felt forgotten (not by my mates, it was someone else), which was true. To some people, it seems trivial. But when the realisation hit me, that I might have been forgotten, tears just streammed down my face. Imagine, a girl sitting in the library with a book in her hands, with tears streamming down. One could attribute it to a sad storyline, it was anything but. At first I was just upset, then anger arose. It abated about an hour or two later, but I still couldn't help thinking about it. Thinking about it now, I feel stupid for wanting to wait, for believing. I told you I'm never one person that was important to anyone, and somehow circumstances today just reinforce whatever that I mentioned.

First day of school was not bad. I saw my mates that I had not seen for awhile. Had my barley as usual which I totally adore. Lessons wasn't all that bad, and I have my favourite lecturer for my CDS. She taught me another CDS two semesters ago. Hung out in the library for a total of 2 and a half hours like a goon waiting, and managed to finish one book. Not say it was a thin one, more like a memoir. Tomorrow's class is at 3pm, but I guess I'll be going a little earlier to meet up with Siyuan. I had a total of almost 2 hours of talktime with him today because of what happened. Thank God for him, and for always being there when I need him.

Jinghui, where are you??!! hehee.

On My iTunes: Strong Enough - Stacie Orrico

Rainbows still Occur. @3:31 am

Friday, November 04, 2005

Timetables are out. And yes, I do not have to do any Add Drop. Told you I didn't see the sense in starting now when I've never done it before. Most of my classes are all in the afternoons, so I actually have all mornings except Wednesdays free. I can't believe school's going to start already. In 2 days. This holidays have gone past so fast. And I've not done my portfolio yet. I'm supposed to have a review on the 9th.

I'm just trying to past time. So far, I've only wasted three minutes. Not much yes, so here I go, rambling on like a broken radio since I always repeat what I say.

Have I mentioned that Sixpence None The Richer are nice? Heez. Ok, random. Their music reminds me of All Star United. Slow Rock, or probably not. I guess they're broken up though, since they have a Best Of album. What a waste. Why is it good bands with nice music have short careers, where else rubbish music like Britney sells?

Ok, I got to leave for bowling soon.

On My iTunes : Us - Sixpence None The Richer

Rainbows still Occur. @10:42 pm


Rainbows still Occur. @10:42 pm

Stop Thinking.

Some friends I've been talking to the past few days have been asking me not to let go. But yours truly has. It's time to anyway. There's really no point in thinking of what might be and forget to live my own life. It has happened before, and it was the lowest point of my life. I couldn't seem to do anything because my mind was consumed with thoughts of it. I wasn't happy, and I just felt sad all the time. Little bit of things and I would get all worked up. People on the sidelines (and I think you know who you are) are asking me to go for it, saying you all can't bear the sight of it anymore, just go. *Rolls my eyes* Nah, I prefer it like that. Not saying that I never think about it, but I'm going to take the advice of my dear best mate. "anytime any lkdhgfaoehi thoughts come in your head, refuse to think about them." Those were her exact words. Am I driving YOU, the people on the sidelines crazy?

Okay, I had to let that out. Don't know why. Timetables going to be out tomorrow at 1000hrs. Hopefully I wouldn't have to do Add-Drop because I've never needed to the past 3 semesters. Don't see why I have to start now. Heehee.

Bowling has been great. I think I've somewhat mastered side rotation, though I still need to do full side rotation. Past 2 days have been recking havoc on my thumb, hurts a little now, and I think I'm going to get a blood clot soon. To think I'm still going to bowl tomorrow night, or rather tonight since it's already a bloody Friday.

And my dear girl, please don't let it affect you. No matter what, you'll always have friends who loves and cares for you. Like us (you know whom I refering to). Remember that. Look towards the sunshine for then you can't see the shadow; wise words from Helen Keller. And nothing is silly to help a friend who needs someone there. We Love You! : )

Just thought to leave you with this. I need this as a reminder daily and maybe you too.
Love is Patient and Kind. It does not Envy nor does it Boast.
It's not Proud or Self-Seeking. Love is never Rude neither is it easily Angered.
It definetely keeps no record of wrongs. Love never gloats, but delights in truth.
Love Bears all things, always Trust, always Hope, and endures everything.
Love Never Ends.

On My iTunes : She Believes In Me - Ronan Keating

Rainbows still Occur. @3:41 am

Made It.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Greatest news this year I've recieved so far. It ranks besides Orientation being somewhat of a success and another event that I was going to type, but forgot. I made it to the IVP squad. Yahoo. On Cloud Nine. But there's more work ahead and I want to do the best I can.

I went to Ben and Jerry's today. To look for Vick. Pretty coolios place to work I reckon. And Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is my ultimate favourite. Yum Yum.

Oh and thanks for helping me stop the bus. Cheers mate... Yes yes, you're very very kind... *roll eyes*

On my itunes: Pump It- Black Eye Peas *turn up the raddddiiioooo, blast the stereo louuuuddddeeerrrr* hehe, sorry, couldn't help myself in that moment of madness.

Rainbows still Occur. @2:33 am